Alright folks, can you believe it? Another great start to the Kansas Jayhawks’ football season brings us to game seven on the year from Lubbock, Texas. It is no secret that Texas Tech (as well as every school in the big twelve) has had our number in football during the David Beaty era. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember watching this game past the second quarter each year because it is always such a huge blowout. The Red Raiders come into this game ranked fourth in the Big 12 with a conference record of 2-1 and an overall record of 4-2. They have 200% more Big 12 wins than Kansas does this year as our absolute unit of a team sits alone in last place at 0-3 in conference play and 2-4 overall. A victory against the Red Raiders is improbable, but not impossible. So here are five “keys” to ensure a Kansas Football victory in Lubbock.
- Divine intervention: Now, I know that Kansas might not be in good terms with the Lord up above as the FBI scandal showed some glimpses into the workings of the basketball program, but that doesn’t mean that the good Lord hates our football program. What I’m saying is that in order for Kansas to achieve victory in Lubbock, God needs to resurrect Moses and have him strike his staff into the ground before every offensive play. By doing so, he will part the Texas Tech defensive line so Kansas can score. Hey man, he did it once why not again.S
- Somebody needs to sneak Doug Meacham into the game: We all know that tomorrow’s play calling will be a complete and utter circus. David Beaty can’t even prepare himself for a press conference (dude, have you seen him in those?) let alone a Big 12 football game. Somebody needs to get the guy who statistically had a better offense being the O.C. into that booth. We’re at the point where asking David Beaty to win a conference game is essentially like asking him to take flight. Good luck. Oh, and also #FireBeaty.
- Texas Tech can’t show up: Alright, this may be a tough task because the game is in their hometown of Lubbock, but we need to find a way for them to lose by default. I’m calling on every person who is rooting for Kansas in the Lubbock area to destroy the team’s alarm clocks, slash all their tires, and distract Kliff Kingsbury until approximately 3:30 PM.
- Pooka Williams plays every position: It’s no secret that we have a shining star in Pooka Williams. How we got him to Kansas I have absolutely no idea but either way I’m definitely happy that he’s here. If we had eleven Pooka Williams I’d be printing out “WE WANT BAMA” shirts like it was no tomorrow.
- We score more points than them: Okay this sounds radical but hear me out. I know that this is one of the more outlandish statements that I’ve made in this blog post, but I think this one might just work. If Kansas can score even just one more point than the Red Raiders, they might end up victorious. I mean, why not give it a shot Beaty? Haven’t tried it before.
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